


All In a Day's Work

by EllieL



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Established Relationship, F/M, Humor, Loch Ness Monster, Unspeakable Hermione Granger, Unspeakable Severus Snape, spooktober 2020 - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-01
Updated: 2020-10-01
Packaged: 2021-03-08 01:47:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,657
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26757508
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EllieL/pseuds/EllieL
Summary: The disillusionment spells on Nessie have failed. Again.Unspeakable partners Granger and Snape are called in to solve the problem.Written for the Hearts&Cauldron's Spooktober Fest 2020.
Relationships: Hermione Granger/Severus Snape
Comments: 12
Kudos: 76
Collections: SSHG Spooktober Fest 2020





	All In a Day's Work

“The disillusionment spells on Nessie have failed.” Hermione Granger put down the recently arrived parchment with a sigh. “Again.”

“Bloody fucking hell!” Her Unspeakable partner glowered from across their desk at her. “Why do they keep letting Walker cast them? His work never lasts more than a month!”

She tapped the parchment with her quill. “Apparently they have finally come to their senses, and are sending us this time.”

Had she not been partnered with Severus Snape for five years, and living with him for three, she would have thought it impossible for his scowl to deepen further. But it did, to an extent that would have sent most of their coworkers scurrying for cover. It didn’t even give her pause, though in this case she did meet his frown with one of her own as she looked down at the memo again.

“To Scotland in February?” His voice was practically a growl.

“After lunch. Want to go get some soup?”

He grumbled and rolled his eyes, and gathered his belongings.

“We’ll have to re-disillusion her. And find the muggle tourist who got a picture with his mobile.”

“What kind of tourist is visiting Scottish lochs in February?” Their eyes met, and then he rolled them again and sighed resignedly. “It’s an American, isn’t it? You know I hate dealing with them. Loud and friendly and—”

“Their memories tend to be easy to modify, and they tend to be easy to find. This should be an easy afternoon of it. I can do the memory work if you want to tackle the sea monster.”

“Technically she’s a _loch_ monster.” Serpents were, for obvious reasons, not his favorite creatures to deal with. But this one did have vestigial fins, which made her marginally less terrifying, as it was more closely related to a fish than a snake. 

It was her turn to scowl now, and roll her eyes at him as they sorted their cloaks. “Either way, if you handle that, I can deal with…” she skimmed down the parchment again. “Bob Martin.”

“Truly?”

“You’re also better than I am at Muggle-repelling charms. A strengthening of those is probably in order, too.”

“How has Walker not been sacked?”

“Maybe they were hoping he’d get eaten first.”

Snape’s laughter echoed through their office as they locked and warded their office for the day. Neither of them noticed the terrified looks that his laughter attracted from others in their department. 

  
  
  


Three hours and two hearty bowls of lamb stew later, they were standing on the edge of Loch Ness, under heavy warming and impervious charms as a gale whipped their cloaks around them. It was a two mile trek from the apparition point designated by the Ministry to the site where Mr. Martin had spotted Nessie. They’d debated the merits of splitting up, with Hermione simply going straight to town to find him, but usually news of a sighting attracted others, so they both wanted to make sure the site was clear first. A single sighting could easily be written off, as long as further sightings were limited. 

Unfortunately for them, despite the miserable weather, there was already half a dozen people gathered, all muggle. Most were tourists, poorly kitted out, with numb fingers wrapped around poor quality binoculars being sold by a pair of enterprising locals, who were also selling disposable cameras and garish tartan scarves. That was all simply dealt with, as they cast a few jinxes to ruin the film and spells to change the wind direction, so that even icier gusts were now in whipping across the loch. Sprays of chilly water splashed up from the rocky shoreline, dampening the group’s spirits and body temperatures. It took little time for the grumbling to start, petty bickering, swearing, and stomping apart as the crowd began to break up.

The two Unspeakables remained concealed and reasonably warm and dry as the group slowly dispersed. They’d dressed properly and brought more sensitive observational equipment, both magical and muggle. As they waited for the hopeful observers to scatter, they took turns scanning the shoreline themselves, looking for any signs of Nessie.

Nothing more than a few fish registered on their readings.

When there were only two muggles left, Severus turned to her with a wicked grin, and flourished his wand towards the water. From the roiling waves, something emerged, causing gaps and frantic snapping of photos from the remaining men gathered by the shore. Then another well-aimed spell sent the waves pushing it towards the shore, to even more exclamations from the men, now rushing toward the shore. Little effort was required as Hermione took over, and sent the massive piece of fallen tree trunk washing up onto the edge of the loch. 

Groans of disappointment from the two men were audible even over the wind. There were a few minutes of angry gesticulation, then the pair packed it in, too. That just left Severus and Hermione standing a hundred meters from the edge. They traded smiles, as he let the wind and waves die back down.

“You good to take over from here? I’d like to follow them back to town and see if they lead me to Bob Martin.”

“I’ll wager you a pint that they’ll all be at the pub.” 

She laughed. “Oh I’m sure they all will be. But make it a toddy after all this and we’ve got a date.”

“Don’t we have that anyway?” The effect of his raised brow was somewhat muted by the lock of wet hair that smacked across his face.

“That we do. But it should definitely involve toddies.”

“As the lady wishes. Now if you’ll get on with your end of this, I’ve got a monster to find and disillusion.” He turned and headed for the shoreline, but she caught his sleeve before he’d taken two steps.

“Be careful. The water’s rough.” Her eyes were warmth in the cold, saying everything she would never say aloud while they were on the clock, even if was just the two of them alone in a gale. 

“Don’t be daft, I’m not going sailing.” His tone was cool, but he squeezed her shoulder, knowing she understood as well as he did what he wouldn’t say, either. 

And with that, they parted ways, consummate professionals with their own complementary missions. His own task should have actually been the easier work, were it not for the tempestuous weather. But the visibility was low—a fact that would work in Hermione's favor when modifying the memory of what had been seen on a misty morning—but it did not aid him as he flew over the loch trying to find Nessie for himself. Unlike the muggle observers, though, he had magic to assist him, even if he had to make choices about what magic he was able to use while searching.

An impervious charm wasn’t adaptive enough to hold while he was also flying, so he was soaked to the bone rather quickly, even with appropriate weather gear. His hair was plastered to his head, and he could barely feel the fingers holding his wand. Despite the conditions in which he was working, he was aware of the monster’s usual haunts, and it took him less than thirty minutes to locate Nessie, in the cove that was her known to the Ministry to be her second favorite resting place. 

But she was not alone in the cove. 

There were _three_ monsters playing in the gentler waves there. They dove and splashed, cutting easily through the water, making quite a spectacle of themselves. It was good there were no other observers, for it would be impossible to disregard the activity taking place in the water as a bobbing log or a school of fish.

Hastily, he pulled out a magical camera to document the playful Loch Ness monsters. The presence of what was apparently now a pod of monsters would require further Ministry action, and he wanted as much information as possible to pass along to the Department for Control and Regulation of Magical Creatures. Keeping the muggles unaware of magical creatures sometimes fell into Unspeakable purview, mostly when they’d been spotted and excuses and memory charms had to be involved. But whatever needed to happen here now that there were _multiple_ monsters was most certainly not his problem. 

After gathering a few minutes of film for the Ministry, he respositoned himself to cast disillusionment spells on the monsters. That required him getting much closer to them that he’d like in such conditions. They moved quickly and unpredictably, and even in the protected cove, the waves were not an insignificant complicating factor. He was immensely thankful for the ability to fly under his own power, which made getting close enough to charm the monsters a bit simpler; a broom would not have been anywhere near maneuverable enough to get in close enough to touch the creatures.

But nothing would have kept him drier. By the time he was able to tap his wand on the thick green hide of the last monster, he was drenched through, having been splashed by the waves themselves and by water thrown up by the monsters who seemed to think he was trying to play with them. He was not trying to play; in fact, he was having no fun at all as another icy wave hit him square in the back. 

Finally, though, he was no longer able to see any sign of the Loch Ness Monsters beyond some splashes in the waves. Satisfied, he headed back to the shore and touched down. He considered a drying charm, but given the weather, that seemed unlikely to actually accomplish much. Instead, he focused his attention on the charmwork and wards around the lake. It took very little time to realize there were essentially none.

“What has that wanker Walker been doing every time he comes up here?” He mumbled under his breath, along with other creative curses directed at his ineffective coworker. Little effort was required, however, to establish new wardings around Nessie’s Cove that would repel muggles and wizards alike, and turn most of the wildlife living in the water into carp if observed directly.

He might have been soaked to the bone, but ultimately he’d had a pretty easy afternoon of it. Turning away from the loch, he directed his wand to _point me,_ and headed towards what was presumably the village to find Hermione and a hot drink. Not necessarily in that order.

  
  
  


Hermione was actually not having a bad go of it, either. The poor weather has driven everyone to the local pub, leaving her to simply sit at the bar and eavesdrop on all the wild fish tales being told around her. It took more effort than she’d expected to keep from rolling her eyes right out of her head at some of the stories. Leaping over the fishing boat like a porpoise indeed; Nessie was unlikely to become airborne without aid of a strongly cast _levicorpus._

Eventually, though, she heard a loud, brassy voice carrying from the far end of the bar. If the accent hadn’t give him away, the Superman sweatshirt would have. 

She’d found Bob Martin.

“Nah, man, I saw the damn gators when we went on that safari ride at Disney last year. This was way bigger than that…”

She took a deep breath and thanked Merlin that Severus was our dealing with Nessie, because he might have just completely Obliviated the man at that point. Her plan was a bit more delicate. She leaned her elbows onto the bar, pushing her now empty wine glass towards the edge.

“Excuse me, I’m stepping out to the ladies, but could I get another Chardonnay?”

As she slipped off the barstool, she began to rummage in her extended handbag, looking fully oblivious to her surroundings as she bumped into Bob Martin and cast a _confundus_ under her breath. 

The man looked down at his pint, then around the pub, while still holding his glass, managing to dump half of it on himself. “Aw, man!” 

Hermione kept right on walking down the hall towards the loo, knowing he’d be following soon. As she heard footsteps behind her she turned, casting as soon as she was certain of her follower’s identity. Modifying his memory was laughably simple; she let him recall seeing something in the water that morning, merely made it less distinct. It was actually the man’s phone she needed, and she _accio’d_ it while he was in a daze, and headed into the ladies loo. 

Phone security was no match for good spellwork, and in this case she didn’t even need that, because he man hadn’t bothered to lock his phone. She was into his photos with two clicks and a shake of her head. A few images that were too crisp she promptly erased, then modified the rest of the fuzzy, misty images. She was quite proud of the blurry blobs that might have been something, but most proud of the one shot that had been Nessie breaching the waves and was now a very crisp image of a tree branch emerging from the water. She loved the challenge of transfiguring digital images, and was pleased it had gone so easily. 

She took her time washing her hands and spent a few minutes fussing over her hair, which had gone horribly frizzy in the damp, windy weather.

Grasping the phone two minutes later she finally walked back down the hallway into the main room of the pub. “Did anyone lose a mobile? I found this in the hallway by the gents.” She waved the phone, sporting some kind of baseball logo on the case, over her head.

Her target turned just then from what had looked like a frantic search. “My phone! Now I can show you guys the scary thing I saw in the water this morning! Thanks, lady! You wanna see the Loch Ness Monster?”

“I’ll pass, thanks.” She kept an eye on him as she made her way back to her bar stool to wait for Severus. 

Down the bar, she could clearly hear Bob and his friends and fellow patrons.

“Now let me see this, man!”

“Here, right here, see?” 

The sounds of the crowd overwhelmed the conversation for a moment. Then clearly and loudly came laughter. “Dude, no, look at this one! That’s not a fuckin’ monster, just a monster log!”

“No it was—huh, I guess it is. Think I can still sell the other one to Weekly World News though?”

“Oh, totally!”

Thankfully, she was saved from having to listen to any more of their stupidity by the arrival of her very soggy partner, who sank onto the stool next to her with a rather repulsive squelch, then leaned over to kiss her cheek with icy lips.

“Hello, love.”

“You’re looking a bit worse for the wear. See any monsters out there?” She cast a subtle drying charm on him, watching him shiver as the spell fell over him. 

“Three, as a matter of fact.”

Her eyes widened almost comically, and he managed to huff out a bit of a laugh.

“No one else will be seeing them. At least until Control comes to sort out the multiplicity.”

“Right then. That sounds like extra paperwork that ought to wait til tomorrow. You look like you could use a long hot soak in the bath.”

“Will you be joining me? With the promised hot toddy?”

“That can be arranged.” She pushed away her wine glass and dug a few quid out of her bag and left it on the bar to cover her tab. “Ready?”

“There’s an alley two doors down we can apparate from,” he said, hand finding the small of her back as he led her towards the door. 

“Perfect. You start the bath, I’ll get the toddies.” With a crack, they apparated home together.


End file.
